i hate the rain. as far as i recall i never liked the rain. for some sick strange reason, my mood is affected by rain. the only thing nice about a rainy day is the fact that it has an end. pretty soon the sun will be back.

no what if, god (or at least the Christian God) decides to flood the earth once again? if god’s incarnation on earth is morgan freeman, then he would be one cool divinity. but that’s beside the point. going back, what if the many days and nights of torrential rain will come? ah the drama that would unfold once the trimming of the species will take place

1. it will finally be revealed that noah’s decendants are all employed with aboitiz now and that all these years, they’ve been perfecting the use of steel to replace the wood which were supposedly what the arks will be made of

2. people from abs-cbn and endemol would be the first in to prepare the ark to make it livable. they would have to install all those two-way mirrors and cameras. big brother was to keep everyone entertained aboard by asking everyone to perform intelligence-inducing tasks like pretend to be pretending to have a crush on someone who’s also pretending that being a part of this show will build character

3. pairs of each specie shall be asked to board in… a singles party will be setup at the base of the plank so that single people would have the chance to start hooking up or be denied entry to the ark

4. all passengers are to pay for their fare. those who don’t have enough will be allowed as well. manny villar will pay for their fares and shamelessly campaign for the highest seat in the god-forsaken boat

5. another politician will sponsor one of the most basic necessities - glutathione. it’s gonna be a rough ride stuck in the open water for about forty days, at least fair skin will be something to look forward to once it’s over

6. all window seats will be reserved for the board of censors, moralists, religious fanatics, alcoholics, workaholics, megalomaniacs, peeping toms, perverts, emotional fuckwits, fashion victims, the pinoy idol judges and dumb chauvinists. these window seats shall be equipped with state-of-the-art ejection mechanisms that will set off at the slightest provocations. a special banner crediting and thanking bridget jones for identifying some of the criteria shall be put up at the entrance

7. in case some stupid pair of lovers would make the sex-starved captain’s crew neglect seeing an everest-sized iceberg leading to the inevitable crash and possible sinking of the ark, madam auring shall lead a pack of sexy starlets in keeping it afloat using their implants. the entire philippine government shall begin a ceremony which involves lecturing about how they are beacons of public service, integrity and purity of the soul - this, legend says, is a sure way to invoke the fires of hell upon them which will melt the iceberg and save everyone

8. once the rain is over, a text vote shall be initiated once again by abs-cbn to determine which dove will be used to look for that olive branch. they will market the idea as ” we want you to decide” though in reality they will charge P15.00 for each text… 15 x 100,000 votes = instant 1,500,000! as a consuelo-de-bobo, one texter will win P1,000 load! yipee

9. upon exit, most of everything would be washed off the face of the earth and it will be the task of everyone at the ark to repopulate the planet. however there will be one condition - they will answer the most important question of all: ARE WE GOOD?

10. in the end, after being stuck in the boat for so long, everyone will realize that we’re all bisexuals deep inside… AND WE ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER

he party’s just started. more than 200 people, all yammering like fanatical cult-members on speed. funny, they’re all in my head hahahaha

the reason why i made this blog is to use it to siphon out some of the weirdness that springs eternal in this head of mine. here’s some trickles:

After so many years of contemplating on getting it, i finally decided (more on my dentist finally convinced me) to have it. For those who haven’t seen me, I don’t look bad. It’s just that I had an underbite - meaning my lower teeth are on top of my upper teeth. Think of that horrible deep sea fish you saw on Finding Nemo. Then make it way way cuter save for the jaw structure. That was me before. Highlights of this procedure:

1. For the first week, i couldn’t close my mouth totally. I had cement-like thingies put on my back molars which kept my mouth ajar by about half a centimeter. The bugs had a field day when I’m on the road. They just zoom in like cars on the express way

2. During adjustments, it can get exhausting when you have to open really wide. Once, my dentist got a bit pissed off when I wouldn’t open my mouth wide enough. I wanted to tell him that it can’t go any further considering that at least six of his fingers are already inside

3. In one session, he asked me to open wide. Being a good boy, I did - as wide as i could. He posed the mirror and that hook-like thing, then froze. He didn’t move for about a minute. All along I thought something was wrong, only to realize he was watching Beyonce and Tina Turner do the shimmy in the Grammys

4. Having this much metal in your mouth leads to the inevitable mouth sores, especially in the early stages. The first one I had was the biggest I had my whole life. Seriously, it was about 1/3 of an inch long at the side of my mouth. It was caused by constantly scratching against the wire when I talk. The wire literally sliced my cheek millimeter by painful millimeter until next thing I know it got really big. It was hard to eat, hard to talk and worse, having the braces adjusted was a nightmare. The worst: I had to open my mouth real wide (tore the flesh ooouuuccchh) and then as leverage so he can snag the rubber on my back molar, my beloved dentist squeezed real hard on it (aaaaaaaaarrrggghhhh)

5. Next stage, aligning. Since my lower jaw wasn’t aligned with my upper teeth, my upper needed to be adjusted. Rubber bands were attached from one side to another, criss-crossing on my palate - literally putting several clotheslines inside my mouth. Downside: It limited my tongue’s movement space and every morning when I look at the poor thing, it had “grill marks” where it pressed against the bands. Upside: the bands provide a means for me to display the latest green leafy vegetables in all their glory

Now don’t get me wrong - I love my dentist. It’s that twisted kind of relationship where you get more attached to people who hurt you most hehehe

ha.

notice the last post was last december. haven’t been blogging lately. not that my life ran out of excitements.

i said noobs and nudes

hmmm… noobs - no you pervert it’s not a sleazy word. it’s a play on newbie - newbs - noobs - get it? anyway the new year has been such an amazing crazy roller coaster

1.  i got into a tussle with the fat bitter witches of the garden of good an evil (hah, they know who they are). let’s just put it this way, they owe me something and i retaliated because they were moving at a glacial pace. now they made a fuss out of it citing my supposed “ingratitude” - totally missing out the point that these things wouldn’t have happened if they stood off their blubbery asses and did their job. worse, they are in denial of their fault and resorted to a smear campaign against me. the pathetic toads.

2. i got tins on my grins. after years and years of coaxing, i finally relented to having braces. no, it’s not just for show. my teeth (not teats you pervert) really need it. nothing exciting though, save for the fact that i got the biggest mouth sore in  the galaxy. it was pain beyond description. thank god it healed

3. i got a new phone. my dream came true. i got my p1i. now i am complete. now i can go to the west and live in the undying lands…. dream sequence hahahaha

4. i went to boraaaaaaaa.  my take on it: boracay = nudes hahaha don’t get me wrong it’s not a nudist beach. the nudities happened somewhere else hahaha

ciao for now. more pix next issue

everything happens because it has to happen.

everything happened because it is the result of what you did when that thing happened to you before

now that thing that happened to you would have happened anyway but you should have had a little more sense so that your choice will not lead to what is happening now

what’s happening to you now will keep on happening again if you insist on doing the same thing when the same thing happens again

now why in the world would you want everything to happen again in your next lifetime? just so you can get the sick pleasure of letting the things that happen happen again and again even if it hurts you everytime it happens?

have you ever wondered why you eat? some people say you eat to live. others say that you eat to give yourself energy to do stuff. and yet other geekier beings say that you eat because you want to get enough adenosine triphosphates to power your cellular activities. i pondered upon this the other day and came up with a simple equation.

the body needs to release solid wastes aka poop to get rid of all the waste and dirt that has accumulated in our digestive tract. if a person won’t poop, then there is a risk of "poisoning" the body because you retain stuff that’s not needed and therefore bad for you.

now putting two and two together, you eat to poop. you have to take it in just so you have something to poop because if you won’t poop, you’ll die (or at least get really sick)

now let’s toast to one of the simple joys of life, pooping. for without poop, we would have no reason to eat.

(bows and stretches arms so the nurses can strap on the straight jacket on me)

wala na naman ako magawa. gotta kill time heheheh

has it ever happened to you that you don’t know whether you were awake or you were asleep? i know, i know it kinda sounds like something out of The Matrix, but yeah it does happen to me at times. call it whatever you want, sometimes i get the feeling that i actually get an "out-of-body" experience (psychics would call it that, the feeling that you actually feel like you get separated from your solid form).

hehehe skeptic brows all over would shoot up i know. i’m not claiming i did it, i just THINK i did. picture this, i was on my way to the office, listening to my ipod as always. absently i folded my arms across my chest, looking out the window. then i looked down, i saw both my hands on my lap INSTEAD OF MY CHEST. freaky huh. what’s even freakier is that i happened several times afterwards, in the most unexpected times and places. me feeling my arms moving and yet when i look at it, it’s just in one place.

as if the freakfest isn’t enough, i get into states of half-sleep, half-wake. my eyes are closed and yet i feel them open. like i’m looking into some space with images flashing. some of them discernable, others not. i even saw someone looking back once. weird weird weird

it’s no secret to my friends that i dabble into what others would label as witchcraft (for lack of a better term i think). for me its more than that actually. it’s dealing with the mystic side of things. recognizing energies and using it heheh

before you start hearing the charmed theme, hey, this ain’t fiction. reality shocks even more at times.

follower of the old ways, the old religion. i am an old soul, that i’m sure.

WARNING DEATHLY HOLLOWS SPOILER UP AHEAD
(and baby i hope you understand why i’m doing this. if you’re my bebot, i’m not sure if you should read this)

hello y’all

it’s a bright and shiny monday, sun is up and things are looking err… sunny heheheh

just had a thought so i decided to just, you know, blog it.

those of you who read harry potter (as in really read it) might have an idea on what horcruxes are. the book said like it’s possible to rip your soul apart and store it in little thingies so that you won’t have to face mortal death right? what’s the price? since your soul’s not intact anymore then you won’t exactly be whole anymore, especially when the horcrux got destroyed, right? now, to be able to make a horcrux, you would have to do something really terrible like kill someone, right? and voldemort did that seven times, right?

well tom marvolo riddle and moi have something in common.

before you start calling the cops, NO, DID NOT KILL ANYONE TO HAVE MY OWN HORCRUX. let me explain…

you see a couple of years ago i met my soulmate. she was THE ONE, i’m telling you. being with her was like having your life complete (that’s how i knew). but then being such a prat as most guys are, i was, especially at the time, too stupid to see it. i was busy "exploring" my life and all that i can do with my young tender body (OMG!!!)

anyway to make the long story short, i had the chance to keep the other half of my soul. it was right there, right in front of me, very much willing to love and be loved in return. she was THE ONE i told you. but then i blew it. i set her aside… only to realize that it was the wrong move

then  i had a second chance. yipee. but then i blew it again. anyone who never got second chances would probably hit me smack in the head with a stiff gourd. yes i was THAT STUPID… i let her go again

and this time, i lost her for good

now what does that gotta do with voldemort:
1. i "killed" a perfectly good relationship thinking that if i did, then i would probably be better off (wrong)
2. doing so made me lose half of my soul (she was THE ONE)
3. as a result, i am left with just half a man that i should have been… a half-life… incomplete

now don’t go running around thinking that i haven’t really moved on. i did, i tried really hard (as in. count the number of beds i’ve been in). now i found someone who loves me so dearly and i love just as much

it’s just that being in touch again is just bringing everything back. i wanted to be cool about the fact that everything is over and i really can’t change anything. i give credit to those people who tell me that not everything i want i get. they’re right. they are soooooo right. damn.

but fact remains, i’m still an incomplete person

now this is the part where i transform from voldemort to sam milby

i want to be… complete

hehehehehe enjoy the rest of your life people

i woke up with a tummy ache and it never left me the whole morning. no cause for alarm, it’s just mild. it’s like i swallowed a large balloon or something

then i feel fever coming. must have been the rain. i got drizzled on yesterday when we went out for lunch. my voice started getting hoarse for two straight days of talking with a bunch of rowdy Managers hehehe

for god’s sake why are the vents all pointed at me.

i’m going down with the flu huuhuhuu

what a way to kill time.

i’m in this computer cafe squinting over dull yellow lighting typing black greasy keys. Ew.

keyword for the decade, at least for moi, INCONVENIENCE

i hate it when people / institutions cause me unnecessary inconvenience. less than an hour ago, on public transport, i almost threw this stupid young person’s coins on her not so pretty face. imagine, you all board a jeep and they chose to lump themselves by the door, ergo setting them a couple of meters away from the driver’s outstretched hands. AND THEN THEY WANT ME TO PASS THEIR FARE ON. STUPID MUTHAFUCKIN BITCH

i quitted from my wonderful wonderful (read: barf, barf) company in an effort to free myself from the unnecessary inconveniences of working as a slave in one of the country’s biggest machines. imagine working till ungodly hours without even knowing why the fuck are you doing it in the first place.

so there i was enjoying my freedom from those awful chains. and yeah, being a very good boy, i get rewarded for the years of presenting my bare back (that’s bare back note brokeback you pervert) for whipping (ouch!). and the only condition is… wait for two months. what the heck, two kmonths won’t be that long. problem is… it’s almost three months and i still didn’t get it. STUPID MUTHAFUCKIN err… thing. it seems like the pain and inconveniences brought about by being associated with slavedrivers isn’t enough. it’s like you really need pain up to the last morsels of your flesh. like, right before they totally let you go, they have to make you suffer one last time. i hate it, i hate it. damn

tall iced decaf caramel macchiato

tall iced decaf caramel macchiato

tall iced decaf caramel macchiato

drink of choice for the coffeeholic me who needs to cut down on the caffeine intake otherwise when i cut myself coffee will spew out of my very veins.

had a scare the other day. i think i had palpitation (O_o). just felt it for about three seconds, my heart literally banged in my chest like mad. no its not the kind i get when someone sinfully edible-looking passes by. made me think. i need to drink more water this time heheh

but, but, but (there’s a big butt here and it’s not mine), nothing can really come between me and my caramel macchiato. a recent pleasant discovery actually. i used to have mocha with all sorts of shots.

we had coffee (weee), my evil friends and i. a lot of catching up. we haven’t seen each other for a while and yet you can really feel how close we are. we basically know each and everyone’s dirty little secrets and moldy skeletons in the closet hehehe. what amazes me though is how different we are now compared to several years ago when we use to go out for (make a guess ^^,) coffee. back then we talked about how we’re managing as corporate slaves and how some of us would actually enjoy the torture. now, well things have changed. some of us got married, got kids and all. some are planning to follow that path. others (ehem ehem) chose a different, kinkier route - singlehood by choice. man we’re old. people in their late twenties / early thirties.

nonetheless, i hold up my macchiato for a toast:

to jozee and her (futile) attempt to leave

to tube and her (futile) attempt for birth control

to ed and her (futile) attempt to settle down and be taken seriously by a man

to martha and her (futile) attempt to be stay away from us (we love you kahit WWNTPKKPK)

to KB and her (futile) attempt to errr…. comprehend

to me and my (futile) attempt to keep my pants on (har har har)

and to everyone out there living their lame, futile lives but enjoying the ride nonetheless. here’s to you!