This exact moment is one of those times when I suddenly stay still and look at the road behind me. All the things that have happened to me through the years and how each and every decision I made led me to where I am today.

The many times I’ve been invited to speak to a student group, I always make it a point to tell them that life outside of the university is so much different than when you’re in it. And how as early as one’s senior year in high school, you need to make good choices to make sure you lead up to a better life than what you have now.

I graduated from one of the country’s premier high schools and tradition dictates that graduates from our school should enroll in any of the top four universities. Never considered two due to cost reasons and so I tried for UP. I was so confident that I would pass the UPCAT that I never bothered to take advantage of certain “safety nets”. Plus there was this girl I was crazy about who lived near UP so all I saw was more time to be spent with her. Results came out and voila, I failed. That has got to be one of the most profoundly humbling experiences in my life. Oh well, there’s still another school. I ended up not enrolling that year because of my pride. I was a smart kid who stupidly thought high IQ was all you need in this world. NOT.

A year passed and I got a scholarship. I was eyeing this and that school and as it turned out, I didn’t have much of a choice as the Project Director pretty much dictated where I would go, what course I would take. I gave it a shrug and was off. Turns out that was a turning point in my life which would lead me to a very happy college life and meeting the one girl I would love the most in this world.

But that story will be told some other time.

We all have pasts. Some more colorful than others but we all have it. It’s kind of nice when you have a vivid imagination and can set up a back story to some random person you see somewhere.

Guy in blue enters Starbucks, looks around then falls in line at the counter.

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They’ve been going out for two weeks. Met this girl through a friend from Accounting. She’s hot, at least for him. He’s not so bad looking himself. Quite a looker actually, when you realize it.

They went out for two dates, first was to see the month’s blockbuster romcom and the second was to help her buy a couple of presents for her nephews and nieces. During that date, she tells him that perhaps he should come over for dinner instead so he could meet her family.

Whoa. Big deal. This is good, right?

So he agreed. Went to their house in Marikina. Met the charming mom and the two kids. Had a great time exchanging stories over dinner. He never felt so at ease with a family he barely knew. He decided to stay after dinner and play some more with the kids while his girl watched him, eyes twinkling. He looks at her and thinks, this could be it. The start of something different from what he had in the past. An actual mature relationship where both of them want something a little more long-term. Seeing the kids enjoy the toys they bought while casually putting an arm around her makes him feel like this is the kind of future he would like to have. No more running away after a night of partying and waking up next to that girl he was standing next to while waiting for a cab.

He said goodbye feeling so elated. She gave him a peck on the cheek as he walked to the main road. He grinned from ear to ear.

Half an hour later, he was at Starbucks. Looked for an empty table, placed his bag and went to the counter. A latte would be nice on a night like this.

Phone beeped.

I had a great time. I’ll see you soon, babe

Typed.

Me too. I love you

Smile. Press send.

Phone beeped.

Babe, where are you?

Phone beeped.

Baby woke me up. Where are you? Need to be early at work tomorrow. Text back, babe.

Tonight a couple of my friends are watching Grammy Award-winning band Train and one of them even got the chance to get up on stage. How cool is that?

2011 was a good year for me when it came to concerts. I got to see three of the biggest acts which came to Manila and up to now I still haven’t fully recovered from all the excitement I felt.

First was Irish super band The Script. Though I was a fan, I was on the fence on seeing their show. Sure the lads were fantastic but I wasn’t sure if I was willing to shell out so much, considering that I was anticipating expensive tickets for Maroon 5. Then the bet came. Some hottie (at least for me) who will remain un-named dared me to buy Lower Box tickets and be the “date” for the night. DISCLAIMER: it was a platonic, non-romantic yet thoroughly enjoyable night. I’ve never seen the big dome packed with this many people. My knees literally went weak when I heard Nothing and Science and Faith live.

I loved Maroon 5 the first time I ever heard them. At the time, Adam Levine was just this scrawny guy fronting an unknown band. Who would have thought that they would eventually emerge as one of the best and biggest bands today. The show was nothing less than electric. They really know how to put on a performance. SMX as a venue was far from ideal (whoever thought of turning a big room riddled with pillars into a concert venue is an idiot). I practically watched on the monitor and contented myself with the live sound. My throat got so hoarse singing along.

And of course, let’s save the best for last – Kylie. IT WAS MAGICAL. Sure it was on the opposite end of the spectrum compared to the first two but by sheer production value, Aphrodite wins by a mile. How can anyone go wrong with all the naked bodies flying around the stage? Apart from the show on stage, it was also quite an experience watching the audience. It was like a disco ball exploded. Everyone was dressed to the nines! It was too bad though that they weren’t able to do all the effects like how they did it in the London show, but hey, I can’t complain. Ticket prices, though quite steep, was soooo worth it.

They are known by many names. Bitches, perverts, alcoholics, corporate slaves, demon scum, divas, drama queens, to name a few. But for me, I just call them my friends.

The thing about this world is, no matter how cruel it could be, your bound to find people who will be your angels in this life. They’re not your siblings and yet you share a bond that’s strong and often functionally dysfunctional (you know what I mean, I’m sure). Amazing, isn’t it?

In our group we are all equally damaged, neurotic and brutally honest. We also love sex (especially Ms. York).  Funny thing is, people might see that these qualities are not admirable factors to consider in friends but hey, it works for us.

There will always be a time when one of us would have major dramas in our lives and the rest would just hug that person then tell him/her how stupid they are for getting into that mess. They’d even laugh when you say you’re sad. Cruel, right? But then when you think about it, that’s the hallmark of true friends. People who take you for who you are, tell you in your face what the fuck is wrong with you and then plunges into the pain with you with no questions asked. What more can you ask for in this life?

I think that we are all here in this world to make it a better place. And you do that by loving people for who they are. No ifs, no buts. You don’t get to choose siblings but you do choose your friends. And I think I made a good choice for having mine

Have you ever been asked why you love someone? Like when you’re together with someone and they ask you why you fell in love with them? Or the other way around – you asked them why they loved you?

Why do we need to know? What difference does it make? What if you don’t know why? Like, you know, it just happened.

A couple of minutes ago, a friend of mine tweeted that no matter how much you’ve been hurt in the past, you should still continue to love. The jaded side of me thought, is love worth all the hurt? Is it still love if you forego self-preservation and just take whatever hurt comes your way?

Why does it seem like we all need some form of justification when it comes to these things? Can’t we be happy with just the idea of love with no rhyme nor reason? Why think about something that was intended to be felt? Would knowing the why intensify the feeling? What if asking too many why’s would lead you to see the cracks? Isn’t it appealing to be consumed by love with no fear, no thought, no reservations?

Sometimes I think too much… I think.

While most people consider other harsher ways of coping with devastating things that happen in their lives, there are those of us who are lucky enough to have coping mechanisms that kick in instantly after such ordeals. Well, having a kind of healing ability like Wolverine comes in really handy when you went through hell and back.

But how do we deal with matters that shook you like no other?

1. CRY. Yeah I know it’s such a sissy option but hey, if it unburdens you, why not? Actually, based on experience I think it’s one of the most relieving things you could possibly do. Instead of bottling things up, just let it all out. It’s like draining all the hurt out so you could rid yourself of it, at least for longer periods.
2. HATE. Of course you hate it, him, her, the world in general. Life can be so unfair – and nothing highlights this more than falling so hard for a six-foot pile of shit who pretended to be a decent specimen of a human being. There is however a “trashy hate” and a “classy hate” – go for the latter. Maintain poise, civility and your sense of appropriateness. Learn the art of crafting witty insults and throw it like freshly-sharpened knives
3. STICK TO IT. I personally have low esteem for people who get their hearts stomped on and seem to get temporary memory loss and decide to go back (obviously to get more punishment). Why go back to  say, an emotional fuckwit with a stethoscope, when all they want is to suck you back into a world of verbal baits and broken promises. If they want you out, shove it up their flabby asses.

So the lesson is, shit happens. Rise above the shit and never look back.

The thing about love is… ah fuck love.

For the record this isn’t a post about bitterness. It’s more of seeing the light after being so consumed by love and not realizing things for what they really are. How could anyone put another human being through repeated torture of a heartbreak and still dangle baits to keep you hoping that things could still turn around?

And it gets worse. There you were, recuperating from the last wave of crushing emotional lashes, and you get doses of more emotional challenges from the same person as if trying to see if you could take any more punishment. What else is there to prove? Isn’t going through all that enough? How insensitive, hurtful and just downright cruel.

Eventually it will get to a point where you will snap out of it and realize it’s simply not worth it. Like a splash of cold water on the face. Or that big bitch slap from the universe that gets you back to your senses.

NOTHING is worth taking on too much emotional fuckwittage.

It’s always a tough realization to face – despite being shattered, the world will go on as if nothing happened. People walk by, not even bothering to give a second glance at this guy who was stupid enough to get his heart got ripped off and trampled on. Lost in the music, hiding behind a poker face. Friends crack jokes and he smiles. He laughs.

For that brief moment he forgets. Then it all comes back again.

Sometimes you really can’t help but wonder how people actually see your value in their lives. On one side of the spectrum you’re absolutely elated how somebody’s world literally revolves around you. The kind where you just feel so special, so important. The kind where you yourself feel that nothing else matters in the world other than this wonderful happiness that seem to flow in you.

And then there’s the other side of the coin. The one where you become nothing but a disposable aspect of one’s life. The one where you feel like you’re not worth anything and that no matter how hard you try, you will never matter.

The even sadder part is when that one person who lifted you so high up would also be the one who would drop you like a hot potato. It’s ironic isn’t it, when the person who comprises your whole world is the same one who would destroy it.

I like that word. Shattered. When something really bad happens and you just feel like everything about you crumbles into pieces. Like glass that’s been smashed. And no matter how hard you tried to stop it, the glass gets smashed.

There is no point in holding on to anything.

It was love at first listen. The first time I heard “There You Go”, I knew I was gonna be a fan forever.

Alecia Beth Moore brought something to the table that not a lot of artists could – guts and talent. She makes it okay to be yourself – not that other artists ever tried doing that. But the thing is, the bluntness and honesty of it makes you really believe that the world can go fuck itself, as long as you’re happy being you. Validation is all shit. Pardon the expletives. People who disagree, go run to your room ’cause you’re about to be beaten up.

It’s all about expression. In her music and her fashion. She’s simply awesome.

I thank Pink for making me feel like I’m  so cool.

Here are my top Pink picks:

Like, how cool is it to run a bike through the window of a bastard? Who does that?

I love this one ’cause really, stupid girls (or people in general) have no place in this world

To everyone who bullied me as a kid, one day, I’ll do this. I just need to get a horse first LOL

This one’s the most played song on my iTunes – the anthem for dirty little freaks like me

And to celebrate the love, here are a few looks to get that Pink vibe going.