Hearts and Arrows

 

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There has got to be a reason why Cupid rhymes with stupid.

It’s the love month and I’m not going to be some bitter guy ranting about not believing in love. Yada, yada, yada. No. I think despite everything, I still believe so much in love. It doesn’t necessarily mean loving the feeling but really just embracing the fact that love does make one go through a whirlwind.

Love hurts. I think most people could agree with that. Loving and hurting go hand in hand. It’s not that bad, actually. When you think about it, meeting someone and finding yourself falling for that person is kind of romantic but at the same time there’s always that fear of not being loved back – thus the pain. And yet, sometimes you choose to risk the pain because you feel like this person is worth it. If you’re lucky, that other person would feel the same way – which then leads to the next pain. That ache you feel when you’re not physically near the person. Missing someone terribly is, well terrible. You find yourself playing that kiss in your head over and over. Or you just rub your own hands, trying to imagine that other person’s hand in yours. Ah that ache. It can drive someone crazy, you know. Trust me, I know.

And then when the ache gets too much to bear (especially if you have the emotional range of a six-year-old), you end up thinking crazy thought and doing even crazier things. That wouldn’t be too bad unless it gets expressed and the other person starts resenting you for being so clingy. Clingy’s not that bad, isn’t it? Well, yes to some extent. But it can be flattering and cute, right? Please say I’m right. So you get all clingy and then you turn into this unlovable, unattractive lunatic. Or as what my friends call it, having a Carrie (Bradshaw) moment. That, “What are we?!?” moment. That point when you transform from that sweet person into a neurotic idiot who makes mountains out of mole hills and end up pushing away the person who you so desperately want to see more often. Why do these things happen to even the best of us?

I recently discovered Ed Sheeran’s album. It had that song called Give Me Love. I swear I’ve never been affected by a song this much in a long time. It’s like a drug to me. And then I saw the video. It was about Cupid. Cupid who shot a lot of people. Made them all fall in love,  and when there was too much love, overwhelmed her (yes, Cupid was a woman) and in the end, made her stick an arrow on her neck. How ironic isn’t it? Stupid Cupid. The save though was that the paramedic who saw her dead fell in love with her, which brought her back to life. Talk about getting a taste of your own medicine.

That’s how twisted love can be. How it turns your knees into jelly, your brain into soup and sets your heart into overdrive. And yet you seek it. Like an addict looking for his fix. Like a masochist. Like a mindless zombie whose universe revolves around one person. That one person who’s the center of your universe – at least while you’re still bearable.

 

 

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